10 Ways to Move Forward After The 2016 Election

Whew. What a week (month, year. . . ) this has been! As I have listened to people I love express their opinions, I have run through a spectrum of emotions. . . anger, annoyance, fear, frustration, happiness, relief, sadness . . .

You, too?

Whether your side won or lost, I think a lot of Americans are still facing the same questions. Where do we go from here? What lies ahead of us? Will America ever be what it once was or what we want it to be?

 How do we move forward after Election 2016?

Well, if you voted for Trump, this is for you. If you voted for Hillary, this is for you. If you voted third party, or didn't vote at all, this is for you, too. It's for my children, who have amazing passion to see justice and compassion in their world. It's for my friends, who are split along party lines and all so very dear to me. And it's for me. Because I need to remind myself not to get stuck in this week or this year, but to move forward--for my own well-being and that of my beloved America.

How do we do that?

1. Remember we're supposed to be on the same team.  One of the tips I often give couples asking for relationship advice is this: If there is a disagreement, don't fight against the other person to win. Fight TOGETHER against the obstacle. You know what I mean, right? Maybe one of you always runs late while the other likes to be early. Maybe one of you spends money freely while the other likes to save. Tackle the issue, not each other. Work together to create a healthy solution. The same principle applies to us as Americans. What is the topic that worries you right now? Race relations? Supreme Court Justices? Immigration? Religious freedoms? The environment? Can we work together towards solutions and not dig in and attack each other? For the most part, we sink or swim together in this country. So even if we are on different sides of the boat, let's all start rowing the same direction. We will get further faster.

2. If necessary, allow some time for grief. Obviously, many Americans voted for Donald Trump and are happy he was elected. You might be one of those. Many other Americans, though, have legitimate reasons to grieve. Some are grieving the fact that the candidate they hoped for didn't win. Others are grieving that the candidate they voted for won, but is still not their ideal. Some are grieving for the division in our country right now--or the division in their own families. Whatever the loss, it's okay to feel that. To mourn that. . . for a season. The roller coaster of relief and fear that each party has felt watching their candidates rise and fall in the polls is real. Understand the effect of grief.

3. Grieve in a healthy way. Healthy grief is therapeutic. Reflection, conversation, rest, tears...all part of the grieving process. Healthy grief does not, however hurt ourselves or anyone else. We can't afford to confuse this. It is not okay to vandalize someone's office building because you don't like capitalism. It is wrong to beat up people who voted differently than you. It is wrong to make smutty or racist remarks to strangers because our new President-Elect has said similar things in the past. It is wrong to threaten, intimidate and insult. That kind of behavior gets us nowhere. We can't act like this kind of violence is justifiable in any way. We are each responsible for how we respond to disappointment and loss. Repeat that. Teach it to your sons and daughters. If Hillary or Donald have done things that are wrong, let them face the consequences of their own actions. Don't join them in it. One person is responsible for how you treat your neighbor. You. There is a reason that our parents told us "Two wrongs don't make a right." It's because it's true. Be the bigger person. Don't turn sadness and anger into ugliness.

We are each responsible for how we respond to disappointment and loss.

4. Try to understand the other side. We all think our point of view is the right one. It gets very dangerous, though, when we assume we know the reasons that drove someone else to their choice. The reality of this election is that not everyone who voted for Hillary is okay with what happened in Benghazi. Not everyone who voted for Trump is a racist, misogynist pig. Not everyone who voted third party is uneducated or ignorant of how the election process works. There are SO many reasons why people voted the way they voted. Give other people credit for being thinking, caring human beings--even if they disagree with you. They just might care passionately about different things in different amounts at different times than you do. Sometimes, a vote comes down to one single issue. For many people it came down to pro-choice or pro-life. That was THE dividing line for some people on both sides. That didn't mean they didn't see all of the other questions and concerns on the table, but that one was first and foremost for them. For others, it was something else. Don't paint everyone in one group with the same brush. You don't know their hearts and they just might surprise you.

5. Use your words to inspire. Words are such a powerful thing. The smallest one can mean something deep. They can hurt or heal. What are our words like right now? When emotions are high, we all can say things we wish we hadn't. (Don't you hate that?) That's why it is so important to be extra-careful with our words in difficult moments like these. Why gloat, brag, whine, complain and insult, when we have the power to encourage, inspire, and motivate? If your words are sharp, cutting into people you should love and care about, maybe it is time to step back and be silent for a moment. If you are adding to the drama and chaos instead of leading in kindness and positivity, maybe this is a time to hush. As my parents said over and over to me, "If you can't say something nice. . ." Our words don't always have to be pleasing and pretty, but we should be speaking the truth in love, even if we disagree dramatically. Love is hard to find in fearful rants and swearing--and truth is often hard to find there, too.

6. Hope. Don't ever yield your hope. Some people in this country are very afraid of what might happen in the next four years. What President Trump might do. Or what Congress might do. Or what the Democrats, Republicans, Supreme Court or other nations might do. We don't know what lies ahead. However, I am much more concerned about what "we the people" might do. I am seeing so much anger and despair. Despair leads to dark, cold places. We have to hope. So, hope--for America's sake--that Donald Trump will become a better man than he has been in the past. Hope that the Democrats and Republicans will find and work on common ground. Hope that honest, intelligent people step up in our communities serving in local leadership. Hope that we will be a nation that is respected and admired by others in this world. Hope that we can do better and love each other more in four years than we ever have before. Don't give in to despair and fear. Hope, America.

7. Work within the system to change the things you don't like. If you don't like the two-party system, start campaigning for legislation that will open the doors wider for third party candidates to participate more fully. If you don't like the way women were treated by Trump, work to educate others to treat women with respect. If you don't like the way the Clinton Foundation operates, work toward laws that change that model. If you are passionate for change, make a difference in a positive, respectful way. When we lived in South America, my family saw protests, riots, strikes and a coup. People were beaten and blocked from participating in the civil process. Protesters sewed their lips shut and buried themselves to the neck for media and government attention. Buildings were looted and burned. At the end of the whole thing, though, it seemed to accomplish so little and hurt so many. Work within the system--broken as it is--to bring about real change. In our country we have the opportunity to write letters to the newspapers. Write our representatives. Vote. Get involved in positive ways in our communities. Do something positive to fight what's negative.

8. Count your blessings. Did you wake up in the same home November 9th that you did on November 8th? Same job? Same family? Friends? Pets? In the town where I was on November 9th, the sun was shining, the birds were flying, the flowers were blooming, businesses were open and life was still pretty great. Sometimes we forget how good we have it, when we're focused on what we still want. People in many other places do not get to vote. They can't speak freely. They struggle for hours each day to find water or food (not even to find the money to buy water and food, but literally searching for water and food). This November, as we cultivate an attitude of gratitude, I encourage you to make a list of blessings that you are grateful for and keep adding to it. You may not be happy with the election results, or you may be sad about some serious things in your life, but YOU ARE STILL VERY BLESSED. Never forget that.

9. Reach out. When things wear on us, we can choose to sit and dwell on our own feelings and emotions or we can get up and go make a difference to someone else. What can you do today to be a light in darkness? How can you lift the spirits of someone else? How about a smile for a stranger? What about intentional acts of kindness? Let someone go ahead of you in line. After you rake your lawn or sweep your walkway, offer to take care of your neighbors', too. Invite a friend out for coffee. Take your dog for a long walk. Bring someone a plate of cookies. Today, I am making a conscious decision not to just wait or work for one more blessing of my own, but to BE a blessing to someone else.

10. Pray.  I firmly believe that part of the reason America is at its current crossroads is because we as a nation stopped praying. I don't mean praying in schools, I mean we stopped praying. A few years ago, a renown teacher and church leader told me a heartbreaking statistic. He said that survey results showed that 90% of parents attending Christian churches did not pray with their children, except on Sundays. They didn't even say a prayer of grace at mealtimes. Much of America has stopped praying and we see effects of that. A verse I've seen quoted a lot recently is 2 Chronicles 7:14 which says,

"If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land." 

That message, spoken directly to God's children, is a promise. World leaders come and go. They make good choices and bad ones, good laws and bad ones. Our feet need to be on more solid footing than trusting in a group of men and women flawed like we are. We need to call on our Creator to help us bind our nation's wounds, live uprightly, and move our beautiful country forward into 2017. We need to collectively and individually lay down our pride, look to Jesus, turn from our arrogance, ugliness and wickedness and ask God for help. If we do that, He promises He WILL hear from heaven, He WILL forgive, and He WILL heal our land. Don't we want that?

Set your alarms for a time of day that is meaningful to you. 7:04 for Independence Day, 9:11 for Patriot Day, 11:08 for Election Day, 1:20 for Inauguration Day . . . and when they go off, take a moment to pray for America. Let's move forward, and not back.