Happy Mother's Day. . . even if you aren't a Mom!
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| With my oldest child, in 1997 |
I had the privilege of sharing something with my church this Mother's Day that I thought I'd share with you, too. Whether you are a mom or not, I hope this is meaningful to you.
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I definitely remember my first Mother's Day celebration after my older son was born. Peter was seven months and acting more independent than usual, enjoying doing things for and by himself. It was bittersweet. Needing me a little less stung a bit, but I was so happy he was growing up strong. I felt so blessed with my little family--my husband Tom and my little boy.
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| Easter 1997 |
About three years later, we were celebrating my first Mother's Day after the birth of our younger son. He was eight months old, born late in the year like his brother. It was a season of whirlwind days with two little children in our house! Tom bought me a big bouquet of flowers to grace our table that year, even thought money was limited. Again, I felt so very blessed.
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| With my three handsome guys |
The next Mother's Day was our last one in the United States before moving south. That was a very special day for me. Tom had found me a great secondhand table for our patio and helped my sons put together a really nice meal, complete with a menu. They served it to me like we were dining in a fancy French bistro. It's one of my best memories.
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| Same table and sons, on a different fabulous day |
Those were good days. I remember my heart being so full and happy, whether we were outside in the fresh air and sunshine, doing craft projects at the kitchen table or playing with toy cars on the carpet. Parenting is often full of moments like that. Hugs. Kind words. Thoughtful gestures. My husband and children have continued to do those kinds of things for me. They bring me flowers, notes, and artwork and they have stood still for family photos when they really didn't want to--because they love me.
However, parenting isn't always like that, is it? There are challenging days. Days of slamming doors, hot tears, unkind words, broken dishes or broken hearts. There are moments spent wondering if your kid will ever again be the sweet one you remember, if your kids will ever stop fighting with each other and be friends, or if you will ever again get a good night's rest. You worry about graduation dates and failing classes. You worry about whether or not they'll have good friends to sit with at lunch You wonder if they'll behave in church . . . if they'll keep going to church . . . if they'll still love you when they're grown up. . . if they'll marry the right person or get a good job.
Parenting is beautiful and messy. Parenting is tough.
Tom and I have something we say to each other sometimes--"love, protect and teach." It's a phrase we speak very earnestly as a solemn reminder of our sacred responsibility both to our children and to God. We see parenting as encompassing those three callings in particular: a call to love, protect and teach our sons. Over the years, that happens in different measure at different times. When our children were babies, we focused a lot on protecting them. There are so many things that can harm an infant. We talked about what they could eat, what they should wear, when they could go outdoors or into public places. We went to the pediatrician right on schedule. I read books, articles, food labels and toy labels. Tom worked hard to provide for them and keep them safe.
Then, the boys grew up a bit. During that Mother's Day season when we dined outside, they were discovering new things day after day. I was in teaching mode then and I LOVED it. Those boys were explorers in a world full of new sights, sounds, smells, tastes, words, places and creatures. We would go for adventures where I would push them in their stroller down the sidewalks, or drive them to see their Daddy working at the airport. We had so much fun reading books at the library, playing games in our living room, doing arts and crafts at our dining room table. Tom and I were teaching them so much and they were drinking it in.
Now, our children have grown up even more. They are no longer those little babies. They have their own cars, jobs, bank accounts and income taxes. The roles we have to teach and protect are still present, but they're less obvious now. I find myself stopping my words when I want to protect a man who needs to spread his wings or I want to teach a man who needs to grow on his own that day. As a mom, I want to remind them daily to eat well, sleep eight hours, call home, and drive safe. Sometimes, I have to set all that aside. Instead, I learn to cheer them as they succeed and listen more than talk sometimes when they're wrestling with decisions. There are still many "protect" or "teach" moments, but our stage and season is quite different than it was before.
Through all of it, though, we teach, protect, and love.
The greatest job we have as parents fits into this phrase beautifully, and that is the responsibility and privilege to introduce our children to Jesus, to show them the love and holiness of their Heavenly Father. Psalm 78:4 says this: "Tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the LORD, and his might, and the wonders that he has done."
Loving our children well means sharing with them the greatest joy of our heart, in the hopes He will be their great Joy as well.
Teaching our children well means we leave out nothing that is important. We teach them to brush their teeth. We teach them to be kind. We teach them to clean their rooms (or we try to). We need to also teach them about their Creator, who loves and died for them in order to give them life with Him.
Protecting our children means we teach them God's ways, knowing that those ways will bring them joy, honor and peace and help them avoid unnecessary heartache and pain. Even if your kids don't seem to listen to you or hear you, don't fail to teach them about the lifesaving power and love of Jesus--because they're going to need it in their lives.
This goal kept my own mother singing songs to me about Jesus, praying over me when we said goodnight, working at a Christian school in exchange for tuition so I could learn from a godly perspective, bringing me to the Rescue Mission to share the good news with the people there, and teaching Sunday School lessons to me at home when one of us was too sick to go to church. That legacy of faith was important to her. It's important to God.
I went to a children's ministry conference several years ago and heard a sad statistic. At that time, it was reported that approximately 90% of churchgoing parents--people who went by the label "Christian"--did not pray with their children Monday through Saturday. They didn't even say grace at dinner! Our highest aim as parents should be that our children would see the reality of God through us. If we don't live like we mean that, then what do those children learn? If they only see Christianity as a Sunday thing--not a life-changing, life-saving, life-giving thing--why would they stay? As parents, we have a great responsibility to teach our children truth. To train up our children in the way they should go. If we do that, the Bible teaches us that they will not depart from it when they are old.
I've been thinking a lot lately about a verse in 3 John that says, "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." (3 John 1:4).
A coworker of mine teases me about my "perfect" kids, because I love my kids and often talk enthusiastically about them. My kids are certainly not perfect. Over the course of their lives, I have heard plenty of things I haven't wanted to hear--from principals, schoolteachers, Sunday School teachers, other kids' parents, family members, etc. However, there have been more good things to hear about my two sons. Like when a school custodian called to say they often saw my younger son reaching out in kindness to other students at his high school campus. Or when I heard my older son took the time to counsel a complete stranger who was depressed and anxiety-ridden at college. There are days when I get messages about one or both of my boys, saying one played music at their church and they were blessed by it . . . or that they were blown away by the depth of their spiritual knowledge at a Bible study. . . or that they shared a meal with one of my sons and were encouraged by his big heart. What great joy to hear that my children are walking in the truth. How could it get better than that? Tom and I have put in a lot of hard work to teach, love and protect our children. We imperfectly do our utter best. However, we KNOW 100% that it is by the power and love of God that we get to see and hear that our boys walk in truth. We don't take that for granted.
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| Photo by Carissa Ranario |
You may not have biological children living with you. You still have a God-given responsibility--to spiritual children.
It is a harsh reality that many of the missionary women I knew surrendered their dreams of marriage and family to serve God overseas. I knew few Bolivian men who married North American women. However, I watched those women pour wisdom and compassion into so many spiritual children. Some were "aunties" to the missionary kids. Some taught dozens, hundreds, or even thousands of children in school. Some worked with orphans, who didn't have moms and dads present in their lives and needed that guidance and love. There are women here in the USA who do similar things. Some work with women and children at the Rescue Mission or at Adult and Teen Challenge. I remember Evelyn bringing carloads of children to church, when their parents wouldn't or couldn't do so. I remember my own grandmother, serving neighborhood kids around her table and telling them about Jesus. I remember a sweet friend of mine named Shawn meeting his Savior through her ministry there.
It may be Mother's Day, but the men aren't exempt, either! I remember several men in my life reaching out, teaching life skills like mechanics, construction, lawn maintenance, fishing and agriculture to younger men and boys. Who can you lead today? Who can you love in the name of Jesus today?
If you don't know where to start, I would give you four suggestions:
First, pray about it. Not everyone is called to be a teacher fulltime. However, everyone is called to love their neighbors and pass on wisdom as God opens those doors. So, pray about what God wants you to do. It may be one small thing. Ask him.
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| Image by Reena Black |
Secondly, abide in Christ. I cannot stress this enough. Spend time daily with him, reading his word and talking to Him. You can't give out from an empty spiritual well. You need to be filled up with his love and his Holy Spirit. Drink deeply from that well, so you can be a fountain.
Third, live in a way that matches what you preach. This should be self-explanatory. Watch your testimony. Watch what you do and say, because it's important. Live what you believe about God.
Fourth, when God sends you someone to mentor, do the three steps. Love, protect and teach.
Loving them means celebrating victories and happy moments with them. It means grieving losses with them. It means phone calls or visits, letter or texts. It means praying for them often, as we should be praying for our biological kids. My friend Maria told me the other day that she and her husband pray every night for our children. That astounded me. What a blessing to hear that someone stands with us in prayer. Who can you do that for? Who can you lift to your heavenly father?
Protecting your spiritual children also means defending them from untrue gossip and slander, as well as keeping them accountable when they get off-track. It's not about letting things slide or putting them in compromising situations. It's about watching their backs, while showing them how to live in holiness and honor.
Teaching can mean a lot of things--from teaching them physical life skills to spiritual life skills like respecting their spouses, living holy lives, and watching their words.
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| Image by Mimirebelle |
The rewards are great when you invest in someone. Like parenting, being a mentor can be a challenge. It will be full of ups and downs and learning balance between giving your time and taking a break. Yet, it's worth it. I am grateful for my mom today. I am grateful she invested seeds of goodness and truth in me that I continue to invest in my children and they, in turn, invest in other people. You have this opportunity as well. . . to invest in others. We aren't to boss anyone around or take advantage of our position as their elders. . . but we are to pour love, grace and goodness into the lives of our children, biological or spiritual or both.
In closing, we also have a great opportunity to be invested in as well. 1 Peter 5:5 tells us "Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." (ESV)
I remember hearing George Sweeting speak once. He is ninety-four years old now, I believe, but he was about 70 at the time. He talked about the delight and privilege of living in this sweet spot of learning from someone older than you and teaching someone younger than you. Pray about that opportunity and get ready for what my mom calls "the hardest job you'll ever love"--parenting.
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