My faith journey

I get asked questions sometimes about my faith journey. Questions such as. . .

Why do you believe in God?
Do you REALLY believe in God?

Do you actually believe the Bible is true?

Why does God allow suffering and evil to exist when he could stop it?

Do you believe the world is going to end?

Do you believe in heaven?

Don't all religions lead to the same place?

Isn't it hard to go to church on your day off? 

So, I wanted to tell you first that yes, I REALLY believe in God. I really do think that he loves me. I do think he has a wonderful plan for my life.  I do have answers to most of these questions and I wanted to tell you how I got to that point.  So, in case you are interested, here goes. . .

When I was a little girl, I was surrounded by Christianity. My grandpa and my dad were both pastors. My mom, uncle, grandma and aunt all taught Sunday School. My mom also played the organ and helped lead the singing at church. I heard about Jesus often and believed in my little heart that the stories were true. 

One Sunday, my grandfather preached a fiery sermon on hell. Lying in bed that night, my sister and I began to raise some serious questions about how a person escapes hell and how that person could be sure they were going to heaven. We called in our parents and asked them about it. I may have been 7 years old at the time. They explained that it wasn't a matter of how good we were. The Bible says that we all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). We don't earn our way to heaven. It's all about mercy, love and grace.

That was such a mind-boggling idea. It still is. We don't earn it? No goodness points to get us there? Same invitation to everyone?

My parents reminded me that the point of Jesus' coming to earth was that he died in our place and then rose from the dead to offer us eternity with Him. We just have to believe and confess He is who He said He is and accept what He offers us. It's amazing grace.

So, as a seven-year old, I knelt in our little kitchen to pray and ask God to be in charge of my young life. My mom says that I took it very seriously from then on. I remember asking her that night if my prayer counted, since I was just saying "yes" to God to avoid hell. I wasn't doing it because I had a deep love for Him. It seemed unfair. She assured me that she knew me and knew I would grow to love Him more, but yes, it still "counted."

I did grow to love him more. I studied the Bible. I sang in the choir. God became my guide and friend through rocky growing-up years in school. He was more important to me than anything else. I saw His hand in the beautiful world around me. I felt my spirit soar when I did something nice for someone else or sang songs to Him in church. His world and ways made sense to me.

Then, as I was finishing high school and starting college, some trauma happened in our family, and other trauma happened in our church. Foundations I counted on were shifting and cracking beneath me. I began to wonder if the "truths" my parents and church leaders had told me for so long were actually real.

What if Christianity wasn't even true?

I stopped going to church for a while and began to look at things differently. What if Christianity wasn't even true? I was an intelligent young woman, with academic honors and awards. I wanted the truth. Was there really a God? If so, was He the God of the Bible? Or was He someone else's God? Were there other ways to get to heaven? I wanted to know if I had just followed a myth--because I wasn't going to chase a lie for the rest of my life.

So, I began searching. I researched Buddhism, Mormonism, Hinduism, Atheism. . . . numerous other religions or philosophies. I didn't want to be naive. I didn't want to believe in something that was made up and fake. I didn't want to count on a doctrine that I grew up with just because it was a tradition within our circle of family, friends, and neighbors. I wanted to base my adult life on the truth--whatever that looked like. I would deal with the consequences of that when they came, whether that truth was atheism--this world is all we have--or if it was another religion--perhaps one I had been cautioned against--or if it was in agreement with people who had hurt or disappointed me.  I just wanted to know what was real. The truth.

So, I studied and dug deep for answers, not knowing what I would find. Using history, science and logic,  I ruled out so many religions and philosophies, one by one. I kept digging. I kept searching. At the end of a very difficult time, one of the deepest and darkest of my life, I realized I had one name left on the list that I just couldn't rule out. Jesus. 

I had come to know him as a child by faith. My mom was right; that had been enough for Him to become my Savior. However, when my faith was tested, he stood that test too, because he is enough. Science and logic worked with him, not against him. Decades later, I have proved him more and more, not less. I didn't grow out of my belief in Him or my relationship with him. I grew into it. He says, "Seek me and you shall find me, when you seek me with all your heart." He wants to be found!

I know there are questions. We may not get to see all of those answers right away. Maybe, we won't get to see some of them until we are with him in Heaven. I've walked with him so long, though, and have seen him be faithful for so long, that I believe him for the rest.

Yes, I have seen miracles. Yes, I have felt his presence. Yes, it takes faith to believe something you can't see. We do that all the time in other areas of our lives. If you seek him with your whole heart, though--open to truth--you'll find Him. It may take a moment, or it may take a bit of a journey. It's worth the look. Following Him is the adventure of a lifetime.<3 p="">